I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
