Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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