i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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