just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
