sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
