seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
