I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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