so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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