Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
