How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
