I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
