I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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