I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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