Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
