I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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