cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
