i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
