there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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