i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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