Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
