If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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