i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When are your genitals available?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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