In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
