9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
