Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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