Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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