I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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