Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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