I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
