i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize