My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She needs sedatives and a leash
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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