I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
