Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
