It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
