you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
