Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
