I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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