somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
