He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
