are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
