How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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