I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
