Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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