You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
