took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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