so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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