I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
