Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
