i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
