I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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