Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
