Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
