I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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