absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
