just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
