Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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