But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
