toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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