Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
