Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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