I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
