I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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