I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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