Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
