I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
