Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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