I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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