I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
