OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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