Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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