the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
