Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
