wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
