So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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