So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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